I had a bit taken off my tongue

Hit this email address and I'll get around to sending you the PDF of my quote cards on the tongue in a few days.   (Don't want to over promise.) You can import them to your iPhone, iPad or other thingy and click through them while you're wising to go into a meeting, go home, meet the boss, visit a difficult customer, where you might trip over your own tongue by not keeping it still.

The surgeon said ... 'You must have bitten your tongue at some time and a lump has formed. I'll take if off for you.' 'Will it hurt?', I asked, in my sad little whiny voice. 'It might be a bit sore for a couple of days.' 'OK, then.' 'I'll put you to sleep so you won't feel a thing.' L I A R,   L I A R   P A N T S   O N   F I R E! It hurt like all get out and I couldn't speak English for a week – or swallow, or spit or chew, and even drinking custard through a straw made me dribble down my shirt. I told him he should change his bedside manner. I said he should stop trying to be nice and say it how it really is. Mind you that has got me into all the trouble I've ever managed to create! People are funny I gave a prescription for pain killers to the woman at the pharmacy also handing her a  note saying I couldn't speak because of a tongue operation. She wrote me a note back! I was in too much pain to laugh. it did make me think about 140 quotes about the tongue from a few years  back. Here are a few. Proverbs 11:12 A man who lacks judgement derides his neighbour, but a man of understanding holds his tongue  Proverbs 12:14 From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands reward him.  Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.  Proverbs 10:8: The wise in heart accept commands, but a chattering fool comes to ruin.  Proverbs 12:23  A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of a fool bursts out folly.  I recommend silence, if only for a week. It makes you feel wise, sen if you're not.  Anyway, to infinity and beyond. Live long and prosper Love Colin

South Australian locals who work in sales should attend this seminar:

It's next Tuesday 6th May, so get in on the Early Bird price before April 30 and save $100. Here's what i will teach you. Show up! You will ‘get’ a formula for success in sales so you win all the business you can: 3CA=CR.  Grow up! Understand what you are up against in this snappy online sales environment and win back your share of sales. Shut up! 4 selling styles and how to sell without so much talk, talk, talk. Listen up! 8 questions to find out what your prospect really wants. Speak up! When it is your turn to speak, use language dripping with all 7 benefits for your prospect – yet without being smarmy. Sell up! Get your attitude and language right about add-on sales and selling more.  Ask me about the date and the fee and the place. and I will send you the brochure

I gave up opinions for Lent. I think I will keep it up It's been quite a discipline, although a lot easier than giving up chocolate or coffee. I don't imbibe in the demon drink so that wasn't hard to give up. I don't do a lot of dairy or meat so it wouldn't have been hard to give those up. I like coffee and chocolate and they have less affect on me than opinions so I have been glad to be done with them. Having opinions upsets my stomach a lot more than coffee and chocolate. My opinions wind me up, get me agitated, surly, make me sullen, grumpy, jumpy, argumentative and moody. Giving opinions leaves a nastier taste in my mouth than coffee and chocolate.  When I give my opinion I have to live with the fact that I usually didn't know what I was talking about and have got a fact or a story half right and mostly wrong all at the same time. It's easier to recover from not having mouthed off about anything I wasn't sure was a fact, a joke or a self-confessed fiction. Your opinions affect me even worse.  The other day someone decided to graffiti the fences of my feeble mind with their opinions about Israel, Jews, George(s) Bush, Sri Lanka, the US economy, Tony Abbott, asylum seekers, Collingwood, public spending, bike lanes, air fares, spies, retirement age, religion, private school education and three conspiracy theories about Flight 370,  all in the space of about 30 minutes. The individual got away scot free. I remained bruised, battered and left with a mental clean up that lasted 72 hours. Try it I repeat form last time: Finally, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.(Philippians 4:8) Anyway, to infinity and beyond. Live long and prosper Love Colin

I gave up opinions for Lent.

I think I will keep it up

It's been quite a discipline, although a lot easier than giving up chocolate or coffee. 

I don't imbibe in the demon drink so that wasn't hard to give up.

I don't do a lot of dairy or meat so it wouldn't have been hard to give those up.

I like coffee and chocolate and they have less affect on me than opinions so I have been glad to be done with them.

Having opinions upsets my stomach a lot more than coffee and chocolate.

My opinions wind me up, get me agitated, surly, make me sullen, grumpy, jumpy, argumentative and moody.

Giving opinions leaves a nastier taste in my mouth than coffee and chocolate.

When I give my opinion I have to live with the fact that I usually didn't know what I was talking about and have got a fact or a story half right and mostly wrong all at the same time. It's easier to recover from not having mouthed off about anything I wasn't sure was a fact, a joke or a self-confessed fiction.

Your opinions affect me even worse.

The other day someone decided to graffiti the fences of my feeble mind with their opinions about Israel, Jews, George(s) Bush, Sri Lanka, the US economy, Tony Abbott, asylum seekers, Collingwood, public spending, bike lanes, air fares, spies, retirement age, religion, private school education and three conspiracy theories about Flight 370,  all in the space of about 30 minutes. The individual got away scot free. I remained bruised, battered and left with a mental clean up that lasted 72 hours.

Try it

I repeat form last time: Finally, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.(Philippians 4:8)

Anyway, to infinity and beyond.

Live long and prosper

Love

Colin

I used to be dead

Tahlia doesn't want to marry horrible old Ehud. He comes to her house to meet her parents. Things don't go well. Preview it here: And if you buy it, Amazon doesn't tell me who you are so how about dropping me a note that you did it? It's harder to raise money! Donations for good causes have become harder to get. And getting people to the fete, garage sale, chocolate drive, door knock, sleep-a-thon or barbecue is exasperating organisations' treasurers everywhere. I can tell you how to raise money for your charity, project, club, school (or self) without costing anyone anything! Look this up:  Curious? Of course you are.  Suspicious? That would be natural. Not nice of you, but natural. Look up the introduction. and call me or email me for a contact chat.

On owls and thoughts. Here I go again If you're a subscriber to The Kick in the Pants Newsletter, on Friday you read how I have a new disease (invented by me) calledopinionophobia. I'm allergic to opinions - mine as well as yours and everyone else's. Here's one reason why: Look up this page and you'll see whichever way you look at it, there is plenty to think and talk about apart from government intrigue, political argy-bargy, sound bites, TV news, talk-back radio, sports comments, the goss of the day, idle chit chat about the weather, the latest episode of current affairs or newspaper headlines, Facebook blah diddy blah blah blah, letters to the editor and amazing email offers. Whichever way you read it, the advice comes up like this: Finally, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. That excludes just about anything else on offer. Remember the wise old owl poem a kindly soul wrote in your childhood autograph book? A wise old owl lived in an oak. The more he saw, the less he spoke. The less he spoke, the more he heard. Why can't we all be like that wise old bird? Surely a few weeks of that alternative wouldn't hurt any of us. Anyway, to infinity and beyond. Live long and prosper Love Colin

On owls and thoughts.

Here I go again

If you're a subscriber to The Kick in the Pants Newsletter, on Friday you read how I have a new disease (invented by me) called opinionophobia. I'm allergic to opinions - mine as well as yours and everyone else's.

Here's one reason why:

Look up this page and you'll see whichever way you look at it, there is plenty to think and talk about apart from government intrigue, political argy-bargy, sound bites, TV news, talk-back radio, sports comments, the goss of the day, idle chit chat about the weather, the latest episode of current affairs or newspaper headlines, Facebook blah diddy blah blah blah, letters to the editor and amazing email offers. 

Whichever way you read it, the advice comes up like this: Finally, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

That excludes just about anything else on offer.

Remember the wise old owl poem a kindly soul wrote in your childhood autograph book?

A wise old owl lived in an oak.

The more he saw, the less he spoke.

The less he spoke, the more he heard.

Why can't we all be like that wise old bird?

Surely a few weeks of that alternative wouldn't hurt any of us.

Anyway, to infinity and beyond.

Live long and prosper